Stuck in the Middle of Nowhere


There is a strange kind of silence that comes with feeling stuck, not the silence of peace but of pressure. It doesn’t scream, it hums beneath your skin, waking up with a weight you can’t name. It is standing still while everything else is moving people, plans, timelines, clocks what have you. Feeling stuck is one of the most quietly painful things a human can go through, it is not failure and it is not success either, it is the place in between. The NOWHERE.

We don’t talk about it enough  how the stillness can break you more than the storms because at least in the storm, there is motion but when you are stuck in the middle, there is nothing, just questions echoing inside your head, asking things like: am I wasting time, should I move, should I stay, will this decision ruin everything, do I even know what I want anymore?

And yes that is where I am right now. I’ve got a pending interview that could send me back to Lagos, the city where everything feels alive and heavy at the same time, but here I am, still in Abuja calm and still, maybe too still. Caught between moving forward and staying safe, between choosing a city or choosing my peace, between what I know and what I hope for. Every day feels like a tug of war between my instincts and my doubts. I wake up tired even when I haven’t done much, i scroll endlessly, hoping something on my phone will whisper answers into my bones but all I get is noise. Everyone says trust the process, but nobody tells you what to do when the process looks like quicksand. There are too many tabs open in my brain:

Will I make enough to support myself and those I love?

Am I where I’m supposed to be?

What if this version of me isn’t enough?

Sometimes, I just want to disappear into silence not because I’m sad but because I am tired of thinking, tired of pretending i have it all figured out, tired of people asking what is next? when I barely know what the present is, but maybe, just maybe this is part of it this messy, blurry, foggy phase where nothing feels certain, where being stuck isn’t the end. Maybe it is the stillness before a shift. humm i guess i just have to find out and see, so I’m not rushing out of it anymore. This stillness, I'm going to sit with it, I'm going to name it and own it. I guess clarity doesn’t come when you run, maybe it comes when you sit still long enough to hear your own echo, and this, this right here is mine.


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